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Q & A’s published in the Vision Magazine April 2012

A. As humans are not only physical beings, so are our interactions with one another not only physical. Sex is probably the one thing where we connect all the elements of our being the best - body, soul and spirit.

The church talks a lot about soul ties, and understands the fact that when you have sex with someone, you become one in the Biblical sense, and a deeper connection results than simply physical union.

What was interesting to me, when I started studying sexology was that the concept of soul ties can be explained on a biological level as well!

When one has sex, your brain releases a hormone named oxcitocyn. Now oxcitocyn is the same hormone involved when a mother breastfeeds her baby. Oxcitocyn is primarily responsible for the emotional bonding between mother and child and also between lovers.

So the more you have sex with your spouse, the stronger that emotional bond will be between you. But the more you sleep around, the more emotional connections you will have with various people and the less special and deep your connection you seem with your spouse.

So, even biologically, it makes sense to stay faithful.

©Gesonde Seks, Timothy Kieswetter 2012

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Q & A’s published in the Vision Magazine April 2012

A. I am sure that a lot of men will argue that to go without sex for a whole week will drive them insane. From a purely biological point of view though, the answer is no. However God did create the body with the ability to orgasm, which might feel that you are going insane for a couple seconds, but in the end, after all the feel-good hormones have been released into your bloodstream you will feel the best you have ever felt.

But sex is not just biological. It has a psycho-social aspect to it as well and it is this psycho-social part of sex that can cause you to go insane if deprived for a decade or more. Let me give you two examples of this.

1. A couple is married for more than ten years and in spite of their love for one another, the wife have never experienced an orgasm. Biologically alone it is not enough to drive her to insanity but the unanswered questions like "does this mean there is something wrong with me? Am I a good lover? Is this a sign that we have fallen out of love?", might just be enough to make her feel crazy.

2. Then obviously being single for too long while seeing all of society settling down around you, can make a person feel insane.

©Gesonde Seks, Timothy Kieswetter 2012

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ImageThe Three Little Pigs  (For Teenagers!) – Healthy Sex Lifestyle


“I will huff and I will puff and I will blow your house down!” said the Big Bad Wolf to the three little pigs. With every relationship that you have, you are busy building a Love-house, and like the wolf, sex can threaten to destroy your Love-house.  How easily do your relationships fall apart?  Maybe your answer lies in a century old fairytale. In this article, you will learn how to protect your relationship against the huff and puff of sex.

Once upon a time there were three little pigs who each decided to build their own crib. The one little pig’s crib was cool, but shaky. The second little pig’s house was a bit stronger but the third pig’s crib was the best! Have a look and decide which house is yours!

House of Straw
This type of relationship isn’t a real relationship. When asked “Are you dating?”, the answer is normally, “No, we’re just friends with benefits”.  The pattern of booty-call, casual sex, getting hurt, rebound sex  and a ‘I-don’t-care’ attitude is normally the trend of this type of relationship. “I see that you are attractive, so come to bed with me”  is the mantra of this Straw-house relationship. The only thing that motivates one to build a straw house, is the Testosterone (sex-hormone) in the blood. Therefore, it’s quite an animalistic and instinctive type of relationship. There is no thought involved, only hormones.

Just because you are horny, does not mean that you have to have sex with someone right now. The answer to your raging hormones is masturbations which is a perfectly safe and healthy way to satisfy one’s sexual urges.

It’s important to note that most of these straw houses are built when teens have had too much to drink!

House of Sticks

Relationships that can be seen as real relationships  are when the bond is not primarily built on sexual attraction alone. This is when one has learnt to control your sexual urges and learned to channel your testosterone in a healthy way such as working hard, playing sports or masturbating. In this way, one can avoid becoming a parent or getting a Sexually Transmitted Disease!  The motto  of a relationship that is built from sticks can be summarized with the phrase : Safe Sex.

For the couple who build their love-house together, safe sex has two meanings: To use a condom and to have sex within their committed relationship only, (in other words exclusivity).  We can already see the strength of the house made of sticks would be more than the house of straw because sex is the outflow of the love between two people. However, this house is not very strong, because as a couple grows to know one another better whilst having sex, they may learn something that they are not prepared to live with forever and thus the relationship ends, leaving the emotional and hormonal bond intact! This couple may decide that they cannot be together anymore, yet their bodies were joined in sex which is so much more than just a physically act! House of sticks that has fallen apart can cause a lot of pain and damage!

House of Bricks

Wow, this is the house that everyone wants! It is strong,  looks great and is the most fun and fantastic to live in!  Unfortunately, not everyone can have this house. Only those who keep sex for that one special person with whom they will spend the rest of their lives happily together live in a brick house.  It doesn’t mean that the couple who builds their house with bricks is boring  – nor does it mean that they don’t have any fun in their relationship,  but this couple knows that it might take a bit longer to build a good long-lasting relationship.  

Because sex has the ability to open up one’s most deepest, personal being, casual sex may damage and numb a person.  Later, everything will be so ‘casual’ and nothing will be wow and special anymore. Sex should be in a safe relationship where love and trust are promised to each other.  

So, how do you build a house of bricks?

Start with the foundation
Every brick house has a foundation that represents Family Love. The love you receive from your parents and the love you saw between them while growing up, has formed the biggest part of your love language. What you have witnessed and experienced has become your reference and framework for your future relationships. If your parents gave lots of hugs and were very physical, you will probably enjoy the dame kind of physical attention. If your parents lavished each other with gifts and compliments, you are going to expect the same! Sadly, if you did not have a good example or none at all, you may struggle to connect with another person romantically or you may seek love in all the wrong places. So, it is so important that when there are some cracks in that Family Love,  you need to give attention to it. Sometimes you need to forgive your parents before you can build your own  steady relationship.

The Walls
As you get to know each other, you are busy building the walls of your house. This is the Friendship Love that so many teenagers skip in their relationships. The moment when you get physically involved too intensely,  too soon with someone, then the saying “Love is blind” becomes a reality. One is blinded by infatuation so that you can’t see the other person for who they really are. Your body is on such a ‘high’ because of all the feel-good hormones your body is releasing while you are having sex,  that you are not seeing the real intentions and character of that person. You might be busy biting into a rotten toffee-apple!  It may look yummy on the outside, taste sweet initially but you’re in for a nasty surprise! The more time you spend getting to know each other better, the higher the walls of your relationship house. Do you want to live in a double-storey house or have no room to move?  It all depends on the amount of time you spend getting to know the person.

Time for the roof!
After you have taken time to get to know the person and still feel in love with them, it is time to put the roof on your relationship house.  The roof represents the committed love that will rate the seriousness of this relationship. The roof is the commitment that protects the relationship from outside influences. This relationship has stood the test of time, has weathered storms and crises, has grown in love and respect for one another. If this relationship is successful, you will say your vows to each other at the altar.  And if you don’t get married, then at least you can walk away knowing that you have taken good care of each other.

Don’t forget the chimney! 
Last but not least: the erotic love of the relationship is displayed as the chimney on the roof. It is important that the chimney’s opening must end outside the house and not inside. The end of erotic love is to have sex with each other.  But if you sleep with someone too quickly, even before the roof is up, in other words, if the commitment love is not firmly in place, there is a danger of choking each other in the relationship house with the smoke of the chimney.

If there is a chimney on the roof, there must be a fireplace on the floor! That is why I mentioned earlier that the erotic love doesn’t start only after you get married, however the spark can be there from the first moment you meet each other. This erotic love will grow naturally as you spend time together and some expression of this is normal and healthy. There are lots of ‘steps’ before sex. Couples who fast forward to sex miss a lot of the small special moments of discovering one another physically that can be enjoyed before actual sexual intercourse.

Isn’t it wonderful to ‘build’  your house together with your partner?  You don’t want to end up sitting in a heap of rubble and self regret, so do it right from the start – like you know you should. To have a healthy relationship, is to build a strong brick house, where you and your partner can live happily ever after!

This article appeared in the July 2012 issue of Vision Magazine.

©Gesonde Seks, Timothy Kieswetter 2012

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ImageGesonde Seks Huiswerk #46
Grootste Seks-orgaan Seks

Seks is nie noodwendig penetrasie nie; hoe beter jy hierdie twee begrippe van mekaar kan skei, hoe meer ruimte gee jy jou seksualiteit om te floreer. Seks gaan oor meer as net  oor geslagsorgane; seks gaan oor liggaam, siel en gees.

Wat is jou grootste seks-orgaan? Nee, nie dít nie. Maar wel jou vel! Bitter min van ons gebruik ons vel gedurende seks om ekstra sensasie te wek. Vel-seks is ʼn uitstekende manier om na-spel te beoefen aangesien jy nie meer krag het om enige iets anders te doen nie.

Idees vir voorspel:

Vind mekaar se erotiese-zones. Druk die twee prentjies uit wat onderaan die artikel verskyn en probeer so veel as moontlik van jou maat se erotiese-zones ontdek. Moenie dadelik op mekaar se genitalieë fokus nie; die hele idee van hierdie week se huiswerk is om seksuele sensasie op ander liggaamsdele te gaan soek sodat jy seks met jou hele liggaam kan beleef.

Idees vir naspel

Daar is baie dinge wat jy kan doen tydens penetrasie-seks om jou vel te betrek. Een manier is om heeltemal naak onder ʼn swaar, warm wolkombers te lê en vry. Fokus op die gevoel van die kombers teen jou vel.

Idees vir naspel

Na ʼn orgasme is jou liggaam besig om terug te keer na sy normale vlakke. Moenie dan dadelik omdraai en gaan slaap nie, neem ʼn veertjie of jou vingerpunte en streel liggies oor jou maat se naakte lyf. Amper asof jy probeer om jou maat hoendervleis te gee. Hierdie sal die euforiese gevoel wat die orgasme bring net langer laat aanhou.

©Gesonde Seks, Timothy Kieswetter 2012






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ImageGesonde Seks Huiswerk #45



Ek twyfel soms of ʼn vrou ooit sal verstaan hoe baie ʼn man van borste hou. Dit maak nie saak in watse grote of vorm hulle kom nie, daar is ʼn aantrekkingskrag wat nie verduidelik kan word nie. Dit is soos ʼn bok wat vasgevang is in die soeklig van ʼn jagter! Hy weet hier kom gevaar, maar hy is magteloos teen die aantrekkingskrag. Hy staar homself blind. Hy voel hoe hy nader getrek word deur iets groters as hyself. Hy voel weerloos teen ʼn vrou se borste. Selfs die wyse Salomo kon nie uitgepraat raak oor ʼn vrou se borste nie:

Spreuke 5:19 – Sy is die bokkie wat jy liefhet. Laat haar borste vir jou vreugde gee. Laat haar liefkosing jou die hele tyd oorweldig.

Hooglied 7:7 – Jou lenige lyf is soos ʼn palmboom, jou borste soos druiwetrosse.


Daar is veral twee verse in Hooglied wat ek wil uitlig en wat aansluit by vandag se Gesonde Seks Huiswerk naamlik boob-seks!

Hooglied 4:5 – Jou twee borste is soos tweeling-takboklammers wat tussen die lelies wei.

Hooglied 1:13 – My liefling is vir my  ʼn sakkie mirre tussen my borste.

Eerstens wat jy van Hooglied moet weet is dat dit ʼn poëtiese brief is waarin Salomo en sy beminde dubbelsinnige metafore gebruik om vir mekaar liefdes briewe te skryf. Die frases, “borste tussen die lelies,” en “sakkie mirre tussen my borste,” is een so ʼn voorbeeld. Lelies wat tussen die borste wei kan moontlik na die man se erekte penis verwys en ʼn sakkie mirre kan in hierdie gedeelte verwys na die man se skrotum. Boob-seks kan ʼn baie erotiese deel van julle voorspel en naspel maak.

Hoe om boob-seks te hê:

  • Vrou – maak seker jou borste is goed geolie. Die man kan dalk begin deur vir sy vrou ʼn vol-lyf-massering te gee.
  • Man – Jy kan nou jou lelie en sakkie mirre tussen haar twee takboklammer laat wei!
  • Kyk hoe lank julle in die vallei van plesier wil speel. Julle kan self besluit of dit is waar dinge eindig of waar dit begin!


©Gesonde Seks, Timothy Kieswetter 2012

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