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Blog posts tagged in religion
2309

Ons almal maak belofte aanmekaar op ons troudag; om mekaar nooit te verlaat nie, mekaar lief te hê, te lei en te beskerm, om mekaar te eerbiedig en te help. En as jy in Engels trou; “for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.”   

 

Hierdie is alles wonderlike beloftes, verseker die moeite werd om jouself gereeld aan te herinner en probeer te behou. Die probleem egter met hierdie beloftes op ons troudag is dat ons dit maak terwyl dit goed gaan met ons, terwyl ons verhouding op ‘n hoogtepunt is, terwyl ons nog verlief op mekaar voel. En ons almal weet dat wanneer ons goed voel is ons outomaties positief oor die toekoms en die beloftes wat ons maak raak makliker, want daar is ‘n deel van ons wat glo dat ons altyd so goed en lekker sal voel in ons verhouding met mekaar.

En om ons beloftes aan mekaar te hou terwyl dit goed gaan, is regtig nie so moeilik nie.

So paar jaar gelede, op hierdie dag, het die Voortrekkers hulleself op nie so ‘n goeie plek gevind nie. Hulle het sekere dood in die gesig gestaar soos wat die Zulu’s op hulle laer afgestorm het. Dit was in hierdie moeilike, slegte, gevaarlike plek in hulle lewe waar hulle ‘n gelofte aan God en aanmekaar gemaak het.

Hier staan ons voor die Heilige God van hemel en aarde om 'n gelofte aan Hom te doen, dat, as Hy ons sal beskerm en ons vyand in ons hand sal gee, ons die dag en datum elke jaar as 'n dankdag soos 'n Sabbat sal deurbring; en dat ons 'n huis tot Sy eer sal oprig waar dit Hom behaag, en dat ons ook aan ons kinders sal sê dat hulle met ons daarin moet deel tot nagedagtenis ook vir die opkomende geslagte. Want die eer van Sy naam sal verheerlik word deur die roem en die eer van oorwinning aan Hom te gee.”

My uitdaging vandag tot al die paartjies wat hierdie artikel lees is om nie net julle huwelik te bou op die beloftes wat julle gemaak het op julle troudag toe dit goedgegaan het met julle. Ek wil ook hê dat julle dieselfde beloftes aanmekaar en aan God moet maak wanneer dit sleg gaan met julle, wanneer julle skei oorweeg, wanneer julle ongelukkig is in julle huwelik. Dit is dan, juis dan, wanneer julle ‘n geloftedag in julle huwelik moet inbring.

Om die huwelik se vyand (skei) in die gesig te staar en nie toe te laat om met vrees oorweldig te word nie, maar om te bly staan en te baklei. Om aan jouself, aan jou maat en aan God ‘n belofte/kreet van hulp te maak. Help ons, red ons, herstel ons.

As jy jou huwelik dalk nou in ‘n slag van Bloedrivier vind, wil ek graag hê, dat jy jou eie geloftedag in jou huwelik aflê, en dat julle dit sal deur stuur na my toe om aan die onderkant van hierdie artikel aan te heg. En so lank soos wat die internet sal bestaan sal julle gelofte om te baklei vir die huwelik en die geluk daarin, op hierdie webblad sal bestaan, vir almal om te lees.

Gewoonlik plaas ek almal se boodskappe as anoniem, maar nie vandag nie. As julle as ‘n paartjies saam besluit om in julle moeilike tyd ‘n gelofte af te lê, gaan ons dit hier aan die onderkant van die artikel in julle naam plaas.

 

Stuur julle gelofte na Hierdie e-posadres word van Spambotte beskerm. Jy moet JavaScript ontsper om dit te lees. met julle naam en van.

2197
A deeper look at Matt5:28 “whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart”.

By Timothy Kieswetter

The Scripture verse in question is Matthew 5:28 that says: “But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.” This is one of the most quoted verses on the topic of sexuality. Unfortunately, I believe that our understanding of what Jesus is trying to teach us is here, is blurred with old prudish and anti-sex Victorian-era view on sexuality. That is why we cannot quote any scripture out of its context without having it tinted by the glasses we are wearing at that time.

So let us start by putting this specific verse, where Jesus is so clearly addressing the lustful eyes of the sexually charged male, into context and see what I believe the true message of Matthew 5:28 is.

We begin with verse 28 were we find the transgression: “But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.”

Is Jesus speaking here as he usually did? If so, then the meaning of what He is trying to convey, is much deeper than just the literal interpretation of his words. Jesus largely spoke using parables without offering His interpretation to them, but leaving the listener with something to ponder over. Examples of Jesus’ figurative manner of speaking are:

  • If you have faith as small as a muster seed you’ll be able to move mountains. Matthew 17:20

  • The Son of Man has no place to rest his head. Matthew 8:20

  • It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than what it is for a rich man to enter heaven. Mark 10:25

  • Upon this rock you will build my Kingdom. Matthew 16:18

  • First remove the bulk in your own eye before helping your brother with the splinter. Matthew 7:4


 

To know if we must look at Matthew 5:28 literally or figuratively we have to look at the punishment for this literal or figurative offense. And that we find in verse 29 – 30: “And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell. And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.”

How many of you would interpret the punishment for lusting after a women to be literal? I do not see any one hand, one eye men walking the streets. Thus one of two things can be concluded.

1)      Jesus’ is speaking like He often speaks, in parables, using symbolism to convey a deeper truth, or

2)      we all are in deep trouble for only obeying one part of what Jesus is saying.

It looks to me that we want the act of desiring another woman and so committing adultery to be meant literally, but the punishment of removing an eye or hand, to be meant figuratively. But this only proves that we do not grasp the full meaning and truth behind what Jesus is saying.

So let us take a closer look at what Jesus is saying.

Original meaning of the words used in this verse

We need to review the Greek meanings of these words if we are to understand this verse correctly. In the past, we have taken this verse at face value, believing the translation. It is only fair that we review their original meaning and see if there can possibly be a different interpretation.

The Greek word for woman here is guné (goo-nay') which specifically refers to another man’s wife. So it is the position and wifely qualities that Jesus is referring to here and not the sensual beautiful woman that Job 31:1refers to.

The word ‘lust’ is a very loaded word in the Church and needs to be understood without the Victorian era’s tainted glasses. The word ‘lust’ originally referred to pleasure and delight. It is only after 1520 when the church attached a sexual connotation to the word, thus turning a normal and healthy feeling into a sin and something we must suppress. The Greek word for ‘lust’ here is epithumeõ (ep-ee-thoo-meh'-o) meaning ‘set the heart upon, long for, strong desire for’. Interesting that this exact same Greek word epithumeõ is used in Luke 22:15 where Jesus is again talking: “And He said unto them, ‘With desire I have desired to eat this Passover with you before I suffer.’” Jesus is emphasizing how strongly he has longed for, and looked forward to eating Passover with his disciples. However, this time,  the word is translated into ‘desire’ and not ‘lust’ because Jesus cannot be associated with that word.  Yet it is the same word! I suggest that because Matthew 5:28 is referring to a man’s sexuality, we use the word ‘lust’ and immediately the deeper meaning of the verse disappears behind the very negative connotation attributed to that word.

The Greek word for ‘heart’ in “committed adultery with her already in his heart” is kardia (kar-dee'-ah) meaning (figuratively) the thoughts or feelings (mind); also (by analogy) the middle: - (+ broken-) heart (-ed).  In counseling, we see that often divorce and adultery occurs when chemistry (sexual attraction) is found outside the marriage when it is no longer in the marriage. The thing is, the sexual spark is not something that you can leave and hope it will be there between you and your wife forever. The flame of passion is something that needs constant fanning.

The original word for “hell” is geenna (gheh'-en-Nah.) Of Hebrew origin ([H1516] and [H2011]); valley of (the son of) Hinnom; gehenna (or Ge-Hinnom), a valley of Jerusalem, used (figuratively) as a name for the place (or state) of everlasting punishment: - hell. So, we see that Jesus did not speak of Hades, the actual hell as we understand it, but instead a metaphor for eternal pain and punishment.

So, we can see that “lust” can in fact be interpreted as “desire”. ‘Heart’ can mean feelings and thoughts. And “hell” means constant punishment. Woman also specifically refers to a married woman.

The Broader Context

A verse can also not be studied in isolation, yet this verse is often quoted singularly to condemn a man’s behavior. The broader context of the look-and-lust instruction, is found in verses prior and proceeding the misdemeanor and penalty.

Matthew 5:27 “Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery:”

And Matthew 5:31,32 “It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement:  But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.” Here we can see that the context is divorce. Jesus is teaching on divorce and outlining when divorce is permitted and when it is destructive.

After we study the wider context and review the original meaning of the words in question, it becomes clear that Jesus is addressing the unhappily married man, searching for a reason to divorce and pursue a relationship with another woman. When such a man looks upon another marriage, sees the wife of another man and desires her for himself, then he is committing adultery in his heart. Possibly, he is unhappy in his marriage and blames his wife and regrets that he has married her in the first place, thus seeking a reason to divorce. Now, Jesus, seeing into the hearts of men, addresses this unhappily married man, thinking another woman can satisfy him beter, and gives him a deeper truth:

That if he will only be willing to pluck out his eye and cut off his hand (in other words, be willing to change himself, work on his own personality) and stop thinking that it is the woman’s responsibility to keep him happy, then he will not have his marriage cast into “hell” – (place of constant pain and punishment).  Could Jesus be saying here that an unhappy marriage and divorce is like “hell”? It is a place that will punish everyone involved. Could Jesus mean that it is not good enough to stay married while wishing upon another life? Jesus demands that the husband take action and work at his marriage. How many men are willing to go to marriage counseling today? How many men are willing to look in the mirror and admit to their own wrong-doing in the marriage?

This deeper truth of Matthew 5 is still relevant today, but it is a truth that is clouded behind an incorrect belief that men have to refuse to be attracted to another woman. I believe that this is an impossible task and is in fact denying and suppressing a perfectly healthy part of our sexuality. Men are so busy looking the other way, in fear of finding another woman attractive and being aroused by her, that he has no energy or will to listen to the deeper truth of keeping the passion alive in his own marriage!

What I see over and over again in my practice, is what happens when Christian men have successfully switched off their sexuality in order to prevent them from being tempted. Two things usually occur:

1)      Their desire for their own wives also starts to disappear

2)      It is only a matter of time before this suppressed sexuality demands to reappear and the husband can no longer control it. What was once normal, healthy lust and vigor has turned into an unhealthy sexual obsession and addiction.

Why would God create men to be visually stimulated, only to deny him that pleasure? Surely a man uses this sexual drive to pursue and court his wife in the first place! Why do we believe so strongly that men may not find other woman attractive? Are we afraid that if the man doesn’t switch of his visual sexual drive, he will run along and have an affair with every woman he finds attractive? Or is it because of our misunderstanding of what Jesus is trying to teach us in Matthew 5:28?
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3097

ImageMasturbasie

“Onan het geweet dat die kinders wat gebore sou word, nie as syne beskou sou word nie, en daarom het hy elke keer as hy met die weduwee van sy broer gemeenskap gehad het, gesorg dat sy saad op die grond kom. Hy wou nie dat daar kinders vir sy broer gebore word nie.” -          Genesis 38 : 9

 

 

Meer oor sy storie

Hierdie is een van die Bybel verse rondom seksualiteit wat dikwels verkeerd geïnterpreteer  word. Baie gebruik hierdie storie van Onan om te bewys dat masturbasie verkeerd, sonde en teen God se beginsels gaan. Hierdie is ’n leuen. Masturbasie is nie verkeerd nie of sonde nie. Soos wat ons in die ‘Wat sê die wetenskaplikes’ afdeling sal sien is dat masturbasie ’n baie gesonde en belangrike rol speel veral in ’n man se lewe. Maar eers meer oor Onan se storie.            

Onan se broer het gesterwe sonder om enige seuns agter te los om sy naam voor te sit. Daarom het Onan se pa vir hom gevra om met sy skoonsuster, Tamar te trou, sodat sy ’n kind kan baar vir sy oorlede broer. Maar Onan was nie lus om dit te doen nie, so het hy toe elke keer wanneer hy seks met haar gehad het, coïtus interruptus[1] gedoen, om seker te wéér hoed dat sy swanger kan raak..

God was ontevrede met Onan gewees, nie omdat hy sy saad op die grond gemors het nie, maar omdat hy nie vir haar kinders wou gee nie.  ’n Kind is vir ’n weduwee soos haar uittree annuïteit is. As ’n vrou nie kinders, spesifiek seuns kon kry nie, moes sy nog by haar vader se huis bly.[2] Want sy as vrou kon nie vir haarself finansieel sorg nie. Sy moes of deur haar pa, man of seuns onderhou word.

So Onan het net met haar seks gehad, sonder om verantwoordelikheid te neem. Hy wou net dit geniet, sonder om daarvoor te betaal. Hy het Tamar gebruik om van sy seksdrang ontslae te raak, maar nooit vir haar gegee wat sy nodig gehad het nie.

Les vir die moderne man

Sommige mense redeneer dat God kwaad vir Onan was omdat hy sy saad gemors het. Dus om te masturbeer, sal God ook kwaad maak, want jy is nie besig met prokreasie ‘seks’ nie. Masturbasie is genot ‘seks’ as ons dit in een van die drie funksies móét sit. As hierdie redenasie reg is, dan moet al die voorbehoed middels ook God kwaad maak en sonde wees, want jy mors jou saad. God wil hê dat ons kinders moet kry, verseker, maar Hy het ook bedoel dat ons ons seksualiteit kan en mag geniet sonder om elke keer met prokreasie ‘seks’ besig te wees.

In die hoofstuk Job – Wellus, leer ons presies wat is seksuele wellus en wat is dit nie. Maar die les vir die moderne man, rondom Onan is dat jy nie hoef skuldig hoef te voel elke keer nadat jy gemasturbeer het nie, want dit is nie sonde of verkeerd nie.[3]

Man tot Man

Masturbasie gaan jou nie blind maak of veroorsaak dat jy hare op jou hande gaan groei nie. Dit moet jou ook nie skuldig laat voel nie. Al wat dit jou moet laat voel is...verlig.

Wat sê die wetenskaplikes

Masturbasie maak baie Christen baie ongemaklik, want die kerk se seks etiek lê klem op die verhouding-seks. Daar is ’n wanpersepsie dat ons seksualiteit aangeskakel word wanneer ons trou en slegs gerig is tot die persoon wie daardie ring aan ons vinger gesit het. Hierdie is nie waar nie. Ons is seksuele wesens nog voordat ons getroud is. Al die seksuoloë wat ek al mee gepraat het en wie se boeke ek al gelees het, sê dat wanneer ’n individu sukkel om orgasme te bereik tydens penetrasie seks, lê die probleem baie maal in die feit dat die individu nie ’n goeie en ontwikkelde seksuele self-beeld het nie. Betty Dobson maak ’n radikale stelling wanneer sy sê dat masturbasie is ons primêre seks lewe. Dit vorm ons seksuele basis. En wanneer ons van uit daardie oogpunt na die Bybel vers Genesis 2:25 gaan kyk sal ons sien dat dit wel sin maak. “Die man en sy vrou was albei kaal, maar hulle was nie skaam nie.”

Dink gou ’n bietjie hoe vinnige sal jy jou klere uittrek en voor jou vrou staan as jy nie eers gemaklik is met jou eie lyf nie. Daar was ’n paartjie (meer as 20 jaar getroud met kinders) wat ek beraad het waar hulle mekaar nog nooit eers kaal gesien het nie. Jy sal sukkel om jou seksualiteit, kaal, 100% vir jou vrou te wys as jy nie eers vir jouself in die spieël kan kyk nie.

Die statistiek sê dat 92% van mans en 62% van vrouens het al ten minste eenmaal in hulle lewe gemasturbeer. [4]  Die miete dat masturbasie is iets slegs vir tieners is ook onwaar bewys deur ’n opname van getroude paartjies. Die opnames het gewys dat 72% van mans en 68% van vrouens tyd maak vir masturbasie al is hulle getroud. [5]

Ek glo in ’n huwelik waar die man en vrou kaal staan voor mekaar. Met ander woorde, dat daar niks in die geheim gebeur nie. Masturbasie of enige ander seksuele aktiwiteit wat in die geheim gedoen word, sal skuld veroorsaak en afbreek doen tot die huwelik. Maar dit is nie die masturbasie se skuld nie, eerder die geheim houding daarvan!

Masturbasie hou voordele vir die enkel man asook vir die getroude man in. Dit gee vir die enkel man ’n veilige uitlating vir sy seksuele drange. En is voordelig vir die getroude man wie se seks-dryf (libido) baie hoër is as sy vrou sin. In plaas dat sy elke keer moet instem om seks met hom te hê wanneer hy daarvoor lus kry, kan sy vir hom permissie gee om homself lekker te maak. Speel rond met wat werk vir julle en wat gemaklik is met albei van julle. Dalk gee sy vir jou ’n foto van haarself, of skets vir jou ’n fantasie wat jy kan gebruik tydens masturbasie. Ander kere kan sy vir jou begin of net ’n lekker vry te gee en jou dan stuur vir ’n lekker warm stort!

In opsomming

  • God was nie kwaad vir Onan omdat hy sy saad gemors het nie, maar omdat hy sy verantwoordelikheid nie nagekom het nie.
  • Ons is seksuele wesens nog voordat ons trou.
  •  Masturbasie ontwikkel ’n goeie seksuele self-kennis wat bydra tot jou algemene seksuele bevrediging.


[1] Coitus interruptus is wanneer ’n man sy penis uit die vrou se vagina uit trek net voordat hy gaan ejakuleer. Hierdie is ’n baie primitiewe manier van voorbehoed middels en is nie 100% effektief nie en jy kan ’n vrou swanger maar deur om coitus interruptus te doen.

[2] Genesis 38:11

[3] Wanneer ek ’n “Christen” seks boek optel, blaai ek dadelik na die hoofstuk oor masturbasie en afhangend wat die boek oor dit sê, sal my oortuig om die res van die boek te lees of nie. En een van die “Christen” seks boeke wat ’n baie goeie en oop siening het oor masturbasie is die boek “Die A tot Z van Seks” deur Elmari Craig en Hennie Stander. Volgens my is dit die beste Afrikaanse “Christen” seks boek beskikbaar. ’n Absolute moet lees.

[4] Die Kinsey seks opname is die mees gerespekteerde data oor seksualiteit deur seksuoloë en ander professionele professies.

[5] “Masters and Johnson on sex and human loving.” Bl.296

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